The "other" woman...

Marnie F. Do YOU know how much YOU have hurt me? The thing is "I" probably have never crossed your mind. It probably doesn't even bother you. You go on with you daily life and it never crosses your mind the fall out of your actions. Yes I know what he did was wrong but you are just as guilty! You made a choice to flirt with him. You knew he was married. You also made the choice to as you put it "to go that extra step"... Your choice. Did you not think about what you were doing to me... to my son?! It doesn't matter what he was telling you or how much he "thought" he was unhappy, it didn't change the FACT that he was still MARRIED!! What kind of morals do you have? The lines he was feeding you, the games you were playing, the surreal environment you all were living in, the drinking and partying, it still doesn't negate the fact that you did something terribly wrong! Yes, you hurt me and you hurt my son. So, Marnie, do you even care? Does it even bother you? I know you were so upset about "your private affairs" being posted on his blog. How you felt that your life was being sold to the tabloids. Sure that hurt you but I can assure you that it wasn't even remotely close to the hurt you caused me. Again I know he is guilty too, I am not dismissing that. But it took two and you were willing and able. Marnie, how do you feel about it? Do you have any shame? I know you don't want your friends and family to know that you were the other woman or the actives you engaged in. Are you sorry for your actions? Are you only sorry for yourself because what others might think... are you ever sorry that YOU hurt ME?!!

Invisible

Am I invisible? Sometimes I feel like I am invisible. The ironic thing is that I can feel invisible in front of you. I know you see me; I can hear you speak to me. But do you really see me. I feel like there is always an excuse why you can't spend couple time with me. We were supposed to go out last night but I guess it wasn't as important to you. Sure I could have reminded you but I want you to remember on your own. I want it to be significant enough for you that you will remember on your own. Maybe I am making this bigger then it is. It is just how I feel right now. You have taken a piece of me away by hurting me so. I think you need to work harder to make me feel wanted. I don't want to be your roommate; I want to be your wife. See me, appreciate me, make me feel like I am your one and only! (I know you are trying and we are working on it, it will take time.)

Follow up

Went to the doctor yesterday for my follow up appointment. The doctor said my lungs sound much better. I went two weeks ago and I gained five pounds in two weeks. Well that doesn't make a girl happy. It's probably the Advair I am taking... it's a steroid. The doctor said that my lungs sound good and that I can move from twice a day puffs to once a day. I hope that will stop the weight gain. Also since my breathing is better I can ease back into an exercise program. I go back in a month for a follow-up. I also have my ENT appointment next week.

Intergrity?!!

What happened to a person’s integrity?!! I went shopping on Sunday and someone stole my phone. I had my phone and then it was gone. I was hoping it was just lost. Called my phone; no one answered. I also texted my phone and offered a reward for the return of my phone. I went back to the store and search for it and asked customer service... Nothing! When I got home I logged onto the carrier's website and saw that a bunch of calls were made to Mexico. The stupid idiot didn't even dial some of the numbers right. You have to dial the country code... Dumba$$!!! Well I had my phone replaced. Unfortunately the phone I have was unavailable so they gave me an alternate. It came yesterday. I like my old phone better. I have to get used to this one. The thing I am most upset is the loss of photos and videos. It was one of those things... I really need to upload these and never got around to it. Now I will be more mindful of keeping up with that. But I still can't believe the lack of integrity some people have.

Back to normal

Back to normal... I feel all messed up. I would really just love to get back to normal. I am so tired mentally and physically. My allergies and asthma have been so bad recently. I have been taking my rescue inhaler multiple times a day. *frowns*. I can't exercise because I can't breath. Went to the doctor's and they gave me Advair. Have to take that twice a day. I've been doing that now for a week and a half. Mind you, I have forgotten a dosage here and there but have taken it at least once a day on those days I have forgotten. This stuff makes me so sleepy in the afternoon... At least I think it is this stuff!! I have to see the ENT about my sinuses, deviated septum, and polyps. Should have this fixed a few years back when I found out about it but I didn't. Guess I was a bit scared to go under the knife. I am committing to getting it done this year. I think it will be helpful in my breathing - that's what the doctor is telling me. Maybe that will help me go back to feeling normal. Well, it would be a start.

Letting go...

Learning to let go. Learning to let go of something that has hurt you is easier said then done. It is especially harder when a trust you had in someone was lost. What are the steps you take to let go of the hurt and build the trust?

Change of heart...

My heart was broken...
by actions and words spoken.

You had a change of heart
and decided not to part.

So tired of feeling lonely and blue
I want so much to believe you.

I know there are things we have to adjust
We need to rebuild and form that trust.

Is this a new life we have just begun?
I only hope I am your ture and only one!