The Gunster...

So, Gunner didn't make it into the Search Dog Foundation. He past all but the last test. They said he will make a good working dog and suggest he be a drug or explosive detection dog. My husband and son are taking him in today to meet someone. I hope this one goes well!!

Search Dog Foundation

So, we take Gunny (or Gunner) to the Search Dog Foundation tomorrow for evaluation. Part of me feels bad because the poor thing has been bounced from house to house for the past 6-9 months. I also feel bad because he was supposed to be our dog. But, we can not do more than one dog right now. Plus, he is very high energy and would be a good fit for the Search Dog Foundation. The only concern is his age; he might be too old for them. (He's three.) This guy is so ball driven and wants to play catch ALL DAY. And when I say all day, I mean all day!! Some dogs are treat orientated but this guy is tennis ball orientated. He is such a sweet dog. The good thing about SDF is that once a dog is in their program, he has a home for life! He would never go to a shelter. The other cool thing is that if he is accepted into the program they will post pictures of the dogs and their handlers at the rescues they go on. I would feel very proud to see Gunny in one of those pictures.

It is funny when you look out into our yard right now. We have opposites!
One white dog, One black dog
One with ears up, One with floppy ears
One with curled tail, One with a straight tail
One with spots, One without spots
One taller, One a bit shorter
One with energy, One with a lot more energy
One loving, another One loving!! :)

Will the real owner please claim this dog....

So yesterday evening we got a phone call from the Animal Shelter.....!!! Hmmm - let's back up a bit. You need to know what happened last year in order to understand this call. ALMOST EXACTLY one year ago, we went to the animal shelter. My husband and son found a two year old, male, black Lab they really liked. They waited the required "waiting period" and went to the shelter and adopted him. He had to go to the vet and get fixed, vaccinated, and chipped....and the license. We got him supplies and brought him home. We named him Gunny. My son was in heaven. It was the first time we (our family) ever had a dog. A few days after we took him home we received a call from the shelter telling us that the owner showed up and they would like to have their dog back. There were actually two black lags (one male, one female) that came in as strays. They both got adopted out on the same day, one by us and one by a family. The small female dog was returned the next day because the family that adopted her already had a dog and it didn't get along with the female lab. Anyway, the owner was able to get her back and the Shelter was calling to get the other one back. They said legally dog is ours but they wanted to know if "we would be nice and give the dog back." We struggled with it for a while and talked about it as a family on what we should do. We debated on whether the owner was responsible enough. What happened that both this dogs got out? Apparently they were owned by some girl, and when she was at the animal shelter she was crying that they wanted her dogs. The Shelter said they wanted proof. It took them over three days to come back and show them proof. We thought, if she was so upset about losing her dogs, that when she finally found the dogs, it took her another three days to come back and show them proof!(?)!! I would have gotten on the phone with the vet and had them faxed over proof. I would have shown them photos from my cell phone....something. Also, as a responsible pet owner, she failed to get either of the dogs fixed, no tags, not chipped.... nothing! (Side note: we found out the girls name and what city she lived in. Turns out she is a porn star. Not that that should matter , even port stars can love a pet. We don't remember her name anymore.) So we thought the best thing to do would be to give him back. Even though we felt he was part of our family and we loved him. He would go back to his owner and to his sister black lab. Our son was very sad. We told him that sometimes the right thing to do is also the hard thing to do. My husband took Gunny back. Ironic side note........ turns out Gunny's real name was Gunner. How weird is that??!! Now back to that call yesterday evening. We get a call from the shelter. GUESS what responsible dog owner "lost" their dog again? GUESS which responsible dog owner did NOT change the contact information on the chip?!!! You can really tell how she wanted to make sure she was able to get her dog back if it ever went missing again. So, the call we got was from a different shelter in a different county. My husband explained to them that he was not our dog and what happened. About a half hour later they called again. They said that IF we wanted to they "would consider us the owners" if we wanted him - since we are the name on the chip as the owner. She said she would also waive a bunch of the fees and just charge us for the boarding. He is in a regular shelter (not a no-kill rescue). They also said that they are over crowded and that he would be transferred to a different shelter on Monday. We debated on getting another dog. We thought we would wait. We also pondered taking in a "Guide-Dog" puppy. About two months after giving Gunny back we were driving by the Animal Shelter and went in. There was this one dog that really loved my son. Other people would come by and look at her and go. She didn't really do anything. But, when my son walked away she would whimper. She was such a cute pup! She was about 8 months old and a pretty good size (not a small dog). They had her down as a stray that had come in the day before. They next day I went away for a business trip to New York. I wondered if after the waiting period, I would come home to a new dog in my house. And the answer to that would be "yes"! We named her Riley. She's a white dog with black spots on her coat. The black dots do not site on her coat (like a Dalmatian). She also had some really big ears - that stood up. She also smiles!! She really does have a great personality. Now the dilemma we ended up adopting a dog after we returned Gunny. How can we now take him?! My son wants him. I honestly don't know how we could do two dogs?! We also have three cats. Two years ago we didn't have anything. I take that back we had a goldfish. I really have to write a lil blog about the goldfish). The cats is another story too.....! So, did I mention that I am allergic to cats and dogs?! It triggers my allergies and then my asthma. So, GUESS where we are going today?!

Struggles...

So, I go from proud of my husband to totally disappointed in my son. We took a loan to send him to military boarding school for 8th grade. He struggled at first but did really well. He loved the school and everything about it. The only part that was hard was being away from home (in another state). We thought this would be a good launching point for him for High School. We had to pick him up from that school in May of last year. Last year for 9th grade he went to an all boy's private school. The semester started out rocky. I know a lot of it had to do with the crap he came home too. It was right when my husband was leaving me to pursue a relationship with her. My son was very angry at my husband. My husband in turn was very short with my son. I feel that their relationship has been very strained since then. As the year went on his grades got worse. He was failing most of his classes. He had to take winter intersession classes to raise any D and F grades. The second semester just got worse. He had to take summer school in order to redo three grades. With that he still failed Algebra. He is in public school for the first time this year (10th grade). He is taking his regular classes and Algebra. He should be taking Geometry. Well, we just got his progress report and like I said in the first sentence, I am totally disappointed. I don't know what happen to his motivation and drive. He used to have it. I think a lot of it had to do with his Dad wanting to leave. It wasn't just my husband being "unhappy" in our marriage but it would have meant him leaving us as a family. I think that is hard for anyone, especially a son. He (my son) has lost his way and no matter what I seem to do to help him find his way back, he isn't. I tell him that this is so important for him and his future. I want him to do well, I want him to do better then us (his parents). We have him working with an "academic counselor" so I am hoping that it will help. I thought my son had an epiphany this past weekend. He wrote out a list of things for him to follow and do. I am hoping that this is still the case. I have to be optimistic.... maybe tomorrow... because today I am just disappointed.

Write something good....

So yesterday my husband got notice that he was going to be a writer for a local web newspaper! That is so exciting. I am really proud of him. He writes really well and he has a way with words. He has written me through the years poems and letters. They have all meant something to me. Even last year when we were going through the toughest time in our relationship, he was blogging and writing. He wrote me a nice "sorry" letter. Even the "other" stuff he wrote was "good" writing, even if I didn't like the content. I have always told him he should write a book, screen play, childrens book, short stories,... something. I have even bought him stuff to help him with it. But, he goes in spurts with his writing; he has to be "motivated". I am hoping this really motivates him to really write more. I think it brings something special out in him. so, now he has to respond to the offer. So, hopefully soon, he will be writing, published and have a byline!!

So PROUD of him!!

Britney Spears Circus Tour ... --- Blah! WHAT CRAP!

So, I am finally getting rid of all that Britney Spears Circus Tour CRAP! I hate anything to do with that fricken Tour! It is where HE met HER while they were working the tour working selling that BS merchandise. It is where THEY took that "extra step". It is where my life was turned upside down. That stuff has been sitting in the house. I see it and it always reminds me of them. So, I am selling it. I figured I can get some money for it. It can go towards bills. We have plenty of those. It's been hard (financially) with him out of work and then starting his own business. He always said he would sell it. He posted it once before and didn't get a bidder so then he threw some of it away. Then he posted again but they didn't hit the reserve. Finally last week he told me that he would just give it all to me and I can take care of it. I am so glad to be getting rid of that visual reminder. I just can't stand it!! The good thing on some of the items is that they were already posted so I just used some of the photos and descriptions that were already there. Why work harder when I can work smarter!! My son even gave me some of his souvenir stuff (his Dad had given him) to sell. He wants the cash!
Cleansing of the house... cleansing of the mind!

Asthma

My asthma has been the worse it has ever been this year. It has been really bad the last month. I had asthma. I had a really bad attack last week. I could barely drive home I was having such a bad attack. I beeped the horn a few times and my son came out, came over to the car, looked at me and went back in the house. He was awesome. He went inside, grabbed my inhaler, called my dad and came back out to take care of me. My neighbor also came out (probably because of the way I honked the horn). My son had me sitting on the porch step asking me if I was okay. I took my inhaler, which was my low one, so my son ran in to find another one. The good thing is that I just got a refill a few days earlier. My neighbor was offering his kids medicine to me (he also has asthma). I shook my head no. Can't really talk when you're in the middle of an attack because you can't even breathe! My dad got there shortly after my son called him. I was starting to feel embarrassed because everyone was just standing there watching me. In all honest, I probably should have gone to the hospital. (I try to be on top of it because I have a friend that died from his asthma. He left behind a wife and a very young son. So sad!)

So, I hate my asthma!! If there was anything I could change about myself it would be NOT to have it!!

Thanksgiving

This year for Thanksgiving we are volunteering to serve food. This is something I have been wanting to do for years but have never found a place where my son could also help. There have always been age limits. We do volunteer here and there with different organizations but never on Thanksgiving Day. We really excited about doing this. This also works out for the best this year because of family issues. It's hard sometimes because of the tensions with my extended family and my husband. Also is the issues we have with my sister. So, this couldn't have come together at a better time. We are spending time together as a family and doing something good for others! This makes me happy!

Halloween

Halloween, it's one of my favorite holidays! I love decorating the house. We have a haunted house we put up. A huge inflatable Frankenstein (my most favorite decoration), a small inflatable frankenstein, ghosts, a "Jason" mask that I get a jacket and stuff so it looks like there is someone standing on the proch. I have a fog machine and a bubble fogger. The bubble fogger is pretty cool. I bought two new ghost this year. One of them moves back and forth on the rope and makes "spooky" sounds. We always have the best decorated house on the block!! (Just saying!!) It is always great when you see the faces of the kids and how they enjoy it. This year we got a lot of compliments on how great everything looked. One family told us that their kids always ask to come to our house so they have to come every year. That was sooo cool to hear! They said that each year we add something new (which is true). I am already trying to think of what do do for next year. We had tons of kids this year. I try to buy good candy but stuff we tend not to eat. I ran out of candy... good thing I bought an extra bag of the stuff we like, so I just used that.

A nice evening

Friday was nice. Our son went with friends to the Halloween Haunt so we went to dinner and a comedy show. Dinner was nice, it was a rib place. The comedy club was fun. They sat us right in the front so out of the six comics, four of them "picked" on us. One of them kept calling me Rapunzel. My husband was called "Thor" and "every Colombian drug lord in any movie." On said, "you look happy, this must be your first date". My husband replied, "No, married 18 years." The comic could not believe it. (We even got applause from the crowd.) Overall it was a very nice evening. Our timing was perfect because as we exited the club our son texted us to let us know he was done. We got home around 1:45.

Dinner's ready...

So, dinner came out pretty awesome last night. The only part hat wasn't good was the boy were late coming home. I got home for work and had an idea on what I wanted to make, only it's not at all what I made. I was going to make a chicken vegetable soup to use the veggies I had but then I ended up making meatballs and rice. This is my mom's recipe. It is made with golden mushroom soup for the sauce (with green beans). It really is very good and one of my favorites. My husband said that it is one of his favorites too. Honestly, I didn't even know that. I know what he likes to eat when we go out but was pleasantly surprised to learn this is one of really enjoys. My son also likes it. I wonder why I haven't made this in a while...hmmmmm *ponders:! I got home from work and started making the sauce, the meatballs (love the parsley in it), the (Spanish) rice and the green salad. Once everything was done, I was wondering where the boys were. I even had the table set and no boys! My husband had taken our son to get shoes after he picked him up form school. But, now here it is 7:35, dinner is read and they are not home. It took them an other hour to make it home (son in new shoes - and surprise, they were not Vans!). Even though they were late, a little reheat, and dinner was good to go!! :) ......and there was no leftovers!!

October?

How did it get to be October already? Life has been pretty hectic that past couple of weeks. I am still healing from my surgery 4 weeks ago. I go for my next follow-up in two weeks. I am hoping I will feel 100% soon. I also got back to the gym. I am easing back into it. I am trying to go at least four times a week. I am hoping to increase that soon! Our weather has been really weird. We had reacord breaking temps (113°) at the end of September and then a week later we were in the 60°'s and now we are back in the 90°'s.

114°F!! HOT!

Went to the car today at 1:00 to go to the gym and my car said it was 114°F!! HOT! We are having a heat wave!

The weekend was nice. Friday evening, we dropped our son off at the local Fall Festival. He was going to hang out with some friends. We had a couple of hours so we decided to go grab something to eat, ended up at Panda Express. (He was craving that.) After that I wanted to go to the Halloween shop but they had just closed. We went next door to Micheal's. They were having a 40% sale on a bunch of stuff. We picked up a few new Halloween decorations!

On Saturday, we went to an afternoon movie to get out of the heat and let someone else pay for the A/C. We, of course went to an action film, that's what they boys always want to see. We saw The Town, it was alot better then I thought it was going to be. One of my favorite parts about going to the movies is seeing the movie previews and popcorn! :)

On Sunday, I made chicken and dumplings. I haven't made that is some time. It was very good, I must say! Tonight's menu will be carne asada. I will probably make spanish rice with it. Bought some fresh corm tortillas from Vallarta last night. They were still warm! Will make a nice salad too, trying to decide between a regular green lettuce salad or a green bean & peas salad.

Oh, last night my son and I made Agua de Limon!! It came out really tasty! YUM! We started drinking it before we let it chill. It was just like what my Tia used to make. It's nice to be able to make meals together. It's hard to get a teen to come over and do that especially when they have other things to do.... like text. Grrrr! Haha! I will have to see if there is any left when I get home from work today. I really hope so!

Hello Fall...

What a HOT weekend!! It's been in the 100's all weekend. Currently it is 103°F. Tomorrow it's suppose to be 108°F. Hello September!

On the road...

Went back to the gym today! WhooHoo! I just recently signed up for the gym, one by my work, so I can go at lunch. I did go the two weeks before my surgery. I went about 4 times a week. I missed a week and half because of my surgery. So, it was nice to get back to the gym.

I had my follow up appointment yesterday with my ENT doctor, for my Septoplasty (deviated septum) and polyp removal surgery. That took a while. Once the nurse called me in and asked me how everything was going, I waited in the room for 45 minutes before the doctor came in. When the doctor was there he looked at my nose and said he was going to clean it up. He sprayed my nose with medicine and something to help shrink the tissue. He left for a while to let the meds take effect. He was gone for a while. The nurse actually came in and said “What is he doing to you?” I said, he sprayed me and said he would be back. When she walked out she said, she thought I was going to end up going to lunch with them. *Ha!* When he came in he got his tools ready and the suction machine. He got these really long tweezers and was pulling scabs, as he was pulling them; he was saying they weren’t ready. Ya, you think? Ouch! Then he went to use the suction machine and it wasn’t working. So, then I had to wait for another room to open up. Went to the other room and then that machine didn’t work. Grrrr! The nurse was able to get it going. So, he started working on my nose. He got his tools and pulled on some scabs, scrapped and did some suctioning. He doesn’t want me to bleed (a lot), so he only did a partial cleaning. He said I am not completely ready so he wants me to come back in a week. I still have to do the saline solution 8-10 times a day. They also gave me a different spray I have to do twice a day (morning and evening).

Small Daily Differences...

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee." - Marian Wright Edelman

Journey

Okay, so the day got better. We went to counseling, working on things there. But really made the evening was GLEE! I didn't start watching the show when it premiered last year but I think it was around the third episode that I started watching. My favorite has been Journey! Speaking of Journey, we went to the Journey concert two years ago this month. That was alot of fun!! It's nice to watch Glee because it's a show that we all can watch. Actually, I should say it's a show I like that the boys will watch with me. Usually we watch (TV and Movies) action and military shows/movies. It has silly story lines but it's fun to enjoy and laugh at! There are so many funny one liners. But they have done some pretty cool musical numbers.

Tomorrow I have a follow up appointment. I have what feels like a constant mild migraine. I also have been getting hurtful twinges. It must be the nerves healing. The other fun part about all this is the saline solution. I have to spray that in my nose 8-10 days a day. To keep it moist and clean. I am allowed to blow my nose but have to blow out of both nostrils at the same time. Let me just tell you how attractive that process is.... it really isn't!...the blood clots and mucous. It has been less and less each day but even now a week later, there is still blood. The doctor also told me that I can not "pick" anything. Ha! The girls at work have loved that one. It hurts to wash my face. I can wash the outside of my face but it's just even touching my nose that bothers me. It's still very sensitive. To get back to normal will be nice! ....soon!

Step by step

Not feeling particularly happy today. Not feeling good either. I know it's a healing process but I am just really tired. I don't like that my mind is drifting to places and events that I don't care for. Step by step is how I will get through this journey of healing. Not only from my surgery ...but with my heart.

What a fun experience…

Last week I had surgery Septoplasty (divated septum) and nasal polyps removal. What a fun experience…oh, not really! I liked my nurses. They were funny and made me more at ease. It’s the uncertainty that get you nervous… it is surgery. I know everything is going to be okay but then you start to think “what if”. My husband took me in, we waited and waited and then finally got called back into the prep room - changed into a very stylish outfit, hospital gown with matching booties and hair net. The best part is when they get the blanket out of the oven and put it on you,…so warm! J The anesthesiologist came over and talk to us and then soon after that, they wheeled me away. My husband told me to “have fun”! How sweet of him. Once in the room I had to move from the gurney to the operating table. My leg must have been nervous because it kept shaking. *Ha!* They had to tube me because they can’t have the face mask on you for oxygen and work on your nose. They gave me the mask with the knock out meds and told me to breathe it in. I don’t know why but all of a sudden, I started crying. The nurse told me everything will be okay. I told her I know. I think maybe my nerves got the best of me and the medicine kicked me in over drive.

The next thing I remember was a bunch of noise and my name being repeated over and over. The nurse was telling me what seemed like a hundred instructions very fast. The only part I remember was that I am to squat if I need to pick up something or tie my shoe and not to bend over. Soon after that my husband came in and then I got in the wheelchair to go out to the car.

So, how did the rest of the week go? I didn’t sleep much, especially the first few days. I also stayed on the couch because I needed my head to be propped up. I had to take pain medication and antibiotics. The pain medicine made me nauseous. My mom came over the next day to “watch me” because he was going to be out most of the day. It was nice because she made homemade chicken vegetable soup and Spanish rice. YUM! I really didn’t eat much. I did have a lot of popsicles. That felt good….because they had to tube in my throat was sore. That’s the “added bonus” they don’t tell you about.

At the end of the week I had to go in and get the tubes and packing taken out. He took the tubes out first and then sprayed something in there to numb it up and then reclined the chair way back. He said to keep my eyes open, not to move and not cough. What an awful and uncomfortable feeling. It did hurt. But it was done relatively quickly.

I took off of work Monday and Tuesday and was able to “work from home” the rest of the week. Fortunately it was a slow week. My boss told me that I didn’t have to worry about anything, but I didn’t want to get too far behind. Plus who wants to use PTO (paid time off) for actually being sick.

I am back to work today. I am feeling much better but not yet “best”. I still have the feeling of pressure. I am also getting this hurt twinge. It must be the nerves healing. I found out this morning that I can not wear sunglasses yet. The pressure is too much. Each day is better then the next. The one thing this past week that I have been happy about it that I have not sneezed!! I can’t imagine even doing that then or right now.

Well, the work day, has ended. I just wrote this to post and now the 27 mile trek home. I will stop at the bank and then to the market, to pick up a couple of things to go with dinner.

Had Surgery...

Had Surgery...... OUCH!

Surgery...

So, I went the ENT a few weeks back and now I am having surgery on Monday. I am having polyps in my nose removed and a deviated septum fixed. I am a bit nervous because it is a surgery and they are putting me under. I know it will all be okay but it is the unknown that gets you nervous. The doctor said he will put tubes in my nose and pack it. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. I will have that for a few days and then I will go in and then he will pull out the packing. I hear that is very very uncomfortable. Okay, I heard it hurts. But, it’s something I need to get done. My allergies and asthma have been very bad this year. I have been working with the doctor. I have gotten new medication and now this surgery. Will have to see how it all works. Time will tell...

Can it ever be smooth?

Life is never really how you expect it to be. It throws you so many twist and turns. Sometimes you just want it to go smoothly. But, there are so many unexpected events that happen that you can not control. It's how you deal with them that make the difference. Life is not what you think it is going to be ...it is what it is. Life has thrown me a lot of curves, especially in the last year and a half. I am dealing the best I can. It's hard when you are dealing with one part of the "twist" and then other twists are thrown at you. It's then when you have to reevaluate, and reprioritize.

Making a Positive Impact

Who's world is it anyway? What have you done to make a difference? What impact have you made in "someone" life? Is it a selfish thing to be on this earth and only think about yourself? What kind of morals are you showing if you are self-centered? One should be selfless and do what is right not only for themselves but for others. Sometimes when you think about others, you show how caring you are and make an impact. Lead by example, inspire others to do good. We are all living in this world and it would be a much better place if we were doing the right thing. I want my son to live in a better world then I grew up in. I want him to live trying to make good, honest decisions. I want him to feel good about doing for others. We volunteer a few times a year. One of his favorite places to volunteer is a place that makes care packages for the deployed military. We have been wanting to volunteer on thanksgiving day but he has not been old enough. I hope we can this year or next. I also try to have him do small things when he can. I tell him that you don’t do something expected someone to do something for you in return. He helps an elderly couple down the street with their trashcans. He is one of the oldest kids on the block so he usually acts like a "big brother" to the smaller kids. It's fine to think about yourself once in a while. Go ahead and have a "me" day. But you can live a richer life in you don't live in "your world" but live in a world shared by everyone.

Making better choices

Making better choices There are many places in my life where I can make better choices. I have to learn not to come from such an emotional place. When I come from there I feel the choices I make are not always the best ones. I feel I need to take a step back and see how my emotions are making me feel and see if they are clouding my judgement.

Back to Work

Well, back to work (yesterday) after a week off. It was nice to spend time away from work and to spend it with family. I admit that I wish it was truly a vacation. He had a conference to attend on multiple days, and had one extend to the evening. I was a bit "jealous" because I wanted to spend time with him. I did enjoy the lazy river (pool), it was very relaxing. I would have enjoyed myself more if I weren't so darn white. Got a lil bit of sunburn but I was diligent with the sunblock, so it wasn't bad. Now that vacation is over, it is also time to get back on an exercise routine. The doctor has okayed me to get back on a routine. That is good, because not being on it and being on that medication, did not help me at all. I will definitely do something tonight. I also have to start eating healthier. I don't eat badly, but I have to make better choices. Oh, my friend and I are planning a girls weekend probably in November, so that gives me a goal to work towards. That should help the incentive!! Here's to a better, healthier me!!

Vegas Baby!!

Here we go... We leave in the morning for Las Vegas! I can't wait. It will be nice to go on a vacation with the family. We are driving...so it will be a short trip! Hahaha! That means, I will be sleeping most of the way. My husband says that as soon as we get in the car, poof, it's sleeping time. I have to laugh at that, it's true! Well, not all the time. We also spend time talking. There are also time when we turn up the blast the radio and sing. I can't wait to just head to the hotel and get into the lazy pool and just float! I want to relax and put everthing away (physically and mentally) for a bit. Now, that is going to be nice. I know my son is going to enjoy his time at the pool too. My husband will be working so we have to figure out when we can fit time together. His nights should be open! So, Vegas strip,...watch out!! ((((Shhhh! it's late, I need to go to bed now. Have to finish packing in the morning! *yawn*))))

The Same but Different!!

The poem below "Life is not what you expect" is a poem I wrote using all the Keane song titles that were used in the Poem "Keane on Love".

Life is not what you expect...

Life is not what you expect
Again and Again there was chaos and Spiralling
Once there was certainty now there is doubt
The Frog Prince, his family he was abandoning.

We might as well be Strangers, but you took from me
They said they would go Somewhere Only We Know
Did you both forget your morals, your ethics, your principles?
Just how Farlow can you go… how Farlow?

Everyday felt like A Bad Dream
A decision was made, with Your Eyes Open
You took that extra step
Your integrity has been cheapen

You Don't See Me
You Pretend That You're Alone
It didn’t change the fact that I was here
For your actions you will have to atone

This was my take of the "Keane" song titles
Getting feelings out with rhyme
You hurt me again, know
This is the Last Time

Time to Go - Try Again
If you ever go astray
I am out of here, there is
Nothing in My Way

Is it any Wonder what the future will bring
With hard work and some assists
The Crystal Ball says
You can never get Better Than This!

Family or Friend?

Family or Friend? Blood or Water?

I read something last summer where someone was discussing family versus friends. They said that family was limited, that once you they were gone then that was it. They also said that family is there for you no matter what, because, well, they are your family. In comparison, they said friends are special and hard to come by, that is a real friend, true friend. They said this type of friend doesn’t come by often. That this friend will let you get away with stuff and put up with your antics. But a friend is there by choice, they have no obligation to you, after all, they are not “family”. They believe that this kind of friendship is something that needs work to maintain.

Now I offer you a wrench into this theory. Where does a spouse fit in this? Are they family or friend? Some say family and best friend. They are not "blood"....so, if family is suppose to be there no matter what…what happens if that union doesn’t work? Then what? Again, are they family or friend? Was it that they started as friend, moved to best friend, becomes family… something happens and they are no longer married…what "category" does the spouse move to? Are they listed in some weird limbo, cause by their definition, they don’t fit into either of those? If family will be there no matter what, and friends are there for you but not by obligation, then what happens if you are no longer Mr. and Mrs.? I don’t know if what I am saying makes sense but it was something that has needling with me since I read it.

Hello August

Hello August!

Wow, can you believe that it is August already? Where does the year go? There is so much I want to do but then time just gets away from me. I was thinking of getting a new hobby? Now the question is what do I do? I have a few ideas but I am not sure. I think I will have to search the Internet and see what there is in my area. Maybe see what kind of classes are in my area. I am not sure what it is I want to do so that is why I want to see what is out there.

Earlier this year my husband and I were taking two-step classes. It was alot of fun and it was something we could do together. We both would like to do it again. I think maybe after our Vegas trip coming up we can look into it.

I am also looking forward to football season - high school football that is!! Our school (that is the school my son attends) has a tailgating club. We saw it last year and were thinking of looking into this year. We think it is part of the booster club. We had a lot of fun last year. It also was fun when his school played my alma mater. I had to sing along when they did the fight song, of course it embarrassed my son. (a mom perk!! Ha!!)

The "other" woman...

Marnie F. Do YOU know how much YOU have hurt me? The thing is "I" probably have never crossed your mind. It probably doesn't even bother you. You go on with you daily life and it never crosses your mind the fall out of your actions. Yes I know what he did was wrong but you are just as guilty! You made a choice to flirt with him. You knew he was married. You also made the choice to as you put it "to go that extra step"... Your choice. Did you not think about what you were doing to me... to my son?! It doesn't matter what he was telling you or how much he "thought" he was unhappy, it didn't change the FACT that he was still MARRIED!! What kind of morals do you have? The lines he was feeding you, the games you were playing, the surreal environment you all were living in, the drinking and partying, it still doesn't negate the fact that you did something terribly wrong! Yes, you hurt me and you hurt my son. So, Marnie, do you even care? Does it even bother you? I know you were so upset about "your private affairs" being posted on his blog. How you felt that your life was being sold to the tabloids. Sure that hurt you but I can assure you that it wasn't even remotely close to the hurt you caused me. Again I know he is guilty too, I am not dismissing that. But it took two and you were willing and able. Marnie, how do you feel about it? Do you have any shame? I know you don't want your friends and family to know that you were the other woman or the actives you engaged in. Are you sorry for your actions? Are you only sorry for yourself because what others might think... are you ever sorry that YOU hurt ME?!!

Invisible

Am I invisible? Sometimes I feel like I am invisible. The ironic thing is that I can feel invisible in front of you. I know you see me; I can hear you speak to me. But do you really see me. I feel like there is always an excuse why you can't spend couple time with me. We were supposed to go out last night but I guess it wasn't as important to you. Sure I could have reminded you but I want you to remember on your own. I want it to be significant enough for you that you will remember on your own. Maybe I am making this bigger then it is. It is just how I feel right now. You have taken a piece of me away by hurting me so. I think you need to work harder to make me feel wanted. I don't want to be your roommate; I want to be your wife. See me, appreciate me, make me feel like I am your one and only! (I know you are trying and we are working on it, it will take time.)

Follow up

Went to the doctor yesterday for my follow up appointment. The doctor said my lungs sound much better. I went two weeks ago and I gained five pounds in two weeks. Well that doesn't make a girl happy. It's probably the Advair I am taking... it's a steroid. The doctor said that my lungs sound good and that I can move from twice a day puffs to once a day. I hope that will stop the weight gain. Also since my breathing is better I can ease back into an exercise program. I go back in a month for a follow-up. I also have my ENT appointment next week.

Intergrity?!!

What happened to a person’s integrity?!! I went shopping on Sunday and someone stole my phone. I had my phone and then it was gone. I was hoping it was just lost. Called my phone; no one answered. I also texted my phone and offered a reward for the return of my phone. I went back to the store and search for it and asked customer service... Nothing! When I got home I logged onto the carrier's website and saw that a bunch of calls were made to Mexico. The stupid idiot didn't even dial some of the numbers right. You have to dial the country code... Dumba$$!!! Well I had my phone replaced. Unfortunately the phone I have was unavailable so they gave me an alternate. It came yesterday. I like my old phone better. I have to get used to this one. The thing I am most upset is the loss of photos and videos. It was one of those things... I really need to upload these and never got around to it. Now I will be more mindful of keeping up with that. But I still can't believe the lack of integrity some people have.

Back to normal

Back to normal... I feel all messed up. I would really just love to get back to normal. I am so tired mentally and physically. My allergies and asthma have been so bad recently. I have been taking my rescue inhaler multiple times a day. *frowns*. I can't exercise because I can't breath. Went to the doctor's and they gave me Advair. Have to take that twice a day. I've been doing that now for a week and a half. Mind you, I have forgotten a dosage here and there but have taken it at least once a day on those days I have forgotten. This stuff makes me so sleepy in the afternoon... At least I think it is this stuff!! I have to see the ENT about my sinuses, deviated septum, and polyps. Should have this fixed a few years back when I found out about it but I didn't. Guess I was a bit scared to go under the knife. I am committing to getting it done this year. I think it will be helpful in my breathing - that's what the doctor is telling me. Maybe that will help me go back to feeling normal. Well, it would be a start.

Letting go...

Learning to let go. Learning to let go of something that has hurt you is easier said then done. It is especially harder when a trust you had in someone was lost. What are the steps you take to let go of the hurt and build the trust?

Change of heart...

My heart was broken...
by actions and words spoken.

You had a change of heart
and decided not to part.

So tired of feeling lonely and blue
I want so much to believe you.

I know there are things we have to adjust
We need to rebuild and form that trust.

Is this a new life we have just begun?
I only hope I am your ture and only one!

Dog Training

Looking for a Dog Trainer....I would suggest Canine Dimensions. Had my dog trained through them and got really good results. It is In-Home Training so they come to your house and give you the tools, after all the dog has to learn how to listen to you. They have different programs so be sure to ask. www.caninedimensions.com